Sep 2019
Caring for a loved one living with dementia
Nikki Rowe, one of our Admiral Nurses explains how carers needs to take some time for themselves
As an Admiral Nurse, I have noticed that one aspect of life that family carers find a real challenge is being together 24 hours of the day. Being with someone you love sounds easy, but if you have to be there 24 hours a day and feel responsible for their wellbeing this can bring a whole different aspect to a caring role. Often carers will tell me that they feel disloyal to even admit that they wish for some time apart or even a compete break from their loved one. This is a brave thing to discuss but perfectly normal to want. There may be the obvious practical reasons why time apart may be difficult such as, the person with dementia needing 24-hour care to maintain their safety and there is no one else to support with this, which can be a challenge in itself. However, I think there are also emotional reasons why this can be difficult.
A family carer asked me if I thought it was selfish of her to want time away from her husband who she has been married to for over 45 years and been his carer for the past 3 years without a break. We discussed selfish and I challenged her to see it as selfull instead of selfish. Selfish suggests that you are doing something wrong that only benefits you and this may to someone else detriment. Selfull suggests that its needed for the carer to have the fullness to continue. No one can give what they don’t have and the same can be true for a carer, this may be physical aspects like sleep, or time to increase own emotional health and wellbeing. Such a small change of terminology can have a major change of mindshift with great consequences